


Holding Up On Our Own

by Valour (Reccea)



Category: Popslash
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-15
Updated: 2010-10-15
Packaged: 2017-10-12 16:39:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/126916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reccea/pseuds/Valour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isn't going to end in sex, Justin doesn't think, because they've been down this road before and it was really fucking gorgeous right up until they went over the cliff.</p><p>Justin doesn't remember the street signs half as well as he remembers the fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding Up On Our Own

It's impossible to avoid people in this business. One trip to New York will pretty much spell that out. Justin sits at a table in the VIP section of some club that Joey loves and he watches Lohan and Duff trade glares across the room. He's waiting for the inevitable danceoff.

He wants to say that he was never *that* young but one look at Joey's face and the comment dies. That one really embarrassing dance off with Britney will never be lived down.

They let their pictures get taken once, and make sure to walk by a well known gossip because Justin is still friends with Joey and while he's not shouting it to the world, he isn't shouting out anything else either. Joey knows him and knows what he's doing. But he only rolls his eyes and talks about the last time Lance was out.

Joey knows about some party so they leave the club just as the insults start up from Lohan's table. Joey mutters "stupid kids" under his breath but his smile is huge and contagious.

"Shut up," Justin says, because he knows exactly what Joey wants to say.

"I think Chris still has pictures somewhere. Both of you on tables, *this* close to stripping." Joey sticks his hands in his pockets the minute they get outside and huffs a little at the cold autumn air.

"He does," Justin admits because he's seen the pictures but he's never seen the negatives and he knows he's never going to.

"You talked to him lately?" Justin knows that Joey's been dying to ask that all night.

"Not since..." Justin shrugs a little. He's been an asshole, he knows that, but it wasn't just him. Sometimes Chris is so sharp that Justin cuts himself just by standing there.

"He misses you," Joey hums under his breath and pulls his cap down.

Justin doesn't really know what to say to that so he just mimics Joey, pulling his own knit cap far down on his head and sticks his hands into his jacket pockets. It's New York so he's pretty sure that even if he does get noticed no one is really going to say anything. Justin doesn't like the weather here but he loves the anonymity.

"You should visit him," Joey says, knowing he hasn't pushed too far yet.

"I should." Justin knows that there are about two dozen things he should do when it comes to Chris, about three dozen when it comes to Britney, but he can't do any of them because there's still the fact that he has a half a dozen things he should never have done with Chris and Britney but did anyway.

"It's not that easy," Justin says because it's trite and true and he's hoping maybe Joey will just drop it.

"It never really was," Joey shrugs.

*

Justin wants to say they were just too young. They were young enough to have a fucking danceoff, after all. But it's a total lie that he feels like shit for even considering. Because if they were too young then it would somehow be Chris's fault and Chris—

Chris was the one who just kept saying "This is a bad fucking idea" until Britney stuck her tongue down his throat and Justin got Chris's jeans undone and stuck his tongue somewhere else.

It hadn't been Chris's idea.

*

Lance calls twice while Justin's in the shower. Justin wraps the towel around his waist and answers the third time because maybe JC's house burned down or something, jesus.

"Chris is in town." Lance sounds like he's busy, like he's got fifteen things he'd rather be doing and Justin is being slow on the uptake.

Justin says, "Hi Lance."

"Hi." Lance snorts. "Look, Chris is in LA on some super secret vacation that none of us are supposed to know about and Joey wants you to go see him."

Justin wanders into his walk in closet. "Okay, but if it's a secret maybe Chris doesn't want us to find him."

"Did I say us?" Lance asks. "I said *you*. And you better be getting dressed because there's a party Ray's taking Chris to and that's the only bit of his itinerary I could get out of Bev."

"Lance, now isn't really a good time." Because they haven't spoken in months and there is no way Justin's going to corner Chris at some friend of a friend's orgy in the valley.

"Yeah, okay. I'm going to be a good friend here and tell you that if you don't kidnap Chris and figure your shit out then Joey's going to kick your ass."

Justin laughs. It's not nice, he knows that, but the idea of it is so fucking funny.

There's a long pause where Justin has to catch his breath and Lance doesn't say anything. Justin coughs. "Sorry."

"Did you think I was kidding?" The tone Lance has is the one he usually reserves for the phenomenally stupid and the people who are wasting his time.

"Um." Justin furrows his brow.

"Write down the address. Pull on clothes. Get into one of your many cars. And grovel to Chris for fear of your life." He can just tell that Lance is ticking off each item with the flick of a finger.

"You guys are pretty pissed." Justin grabs a pair of jeans.

"You're lucky that I called you. JC was going to do it and he is not in his happy place right now." Lance is definitely smiling.

Justin sighs and grabs a pad of paper. "Okay, what's the address?"

*

The party is exactly like Justin thought it was going to be. Well over a hundred people busy being shit-faced and screwing loudly in corners. This is not what Justin wanted to do tonight. No one really even notices him, which is cool and weird at the same time, but he grabs a beer from the fridge and starts looking for Chris.

He sees Ray once, amid a throng of people, holding a guitar over his head. But Chris isn't exactly tall and if he's standing by Ray, Justin can't see him.

He's *this* close to giving up and driving back to his house when he feels a hand curl around his waist from behind.

 

"I think Lance doesn't want me having any more Vegas weddings." Britney whispers in his ear by way of hello.

Justin's going to kill Lance. "He's not the only one," he says.

 

*

"It was never Chris," Britney said quietly. She slips a cherry into her gloss covered mouth and pulls the stem off with her fingers. She used to tie the stem with her tongue every time, like she'd had some point to prove and it's weird seeing her eat like a normal person.

It drives reality home.

"It was me," Justin says grimly, taking a sip from his beer.

"Oh, honey, no." Britney laughs like a little girl, high and sweet. "It was us, babe. We're so fucked up. Both of us."

They had all made the beds they were lying in and Chris, Justin knows, made his by knowing it wouldn't last.

Britney and Justin imploded all on their own.

*

When they finally do see Chris, Justin is down one beer and Britney's down two martinis. There's a bag of chips and a bowl of cherries between them.

Chris is coming in from the backyard, and he sees them just after he steps through the sliding glass door. He gets this look, the one Justin could never quite read, but he doesn't turn around. So that's probably a good sign.

Britney waves him over, because if there's one thing she's never been it's shy. Chris grabs a beer from the cooler at the door and sits down at the other side of the couch.

Justin's going to say "Hi" and Britney already has her mouth open but Chris beats them to it.

"Who am I going to have to kill?"  
*

"It was awful," Britney says gravely. She steals Justin's second beer and takes a long slow sip. "Really."

"But did you have an Elvis impersonator presiding over the vows?" Chris asks, nose scrunched up.

"See, no because if I had it wouldn't have been awful. It would have been poetic, or some shit." Britney sticks her tongue out, gleeful.

"Instead you got an annulment and Lance had to drive six hours straight just to make sure your mom didn't shoot you." Justin steals back his beer.

Britney shrugs. "Not one of my finer moments."

"But we're both very sorry we missed it." Chris snickers, and it's definitely more amused than cruel.

It's one hour and a half a beer into the most awkward conversation that Justin has ever had with either of them. Only it's still not half as awkward as every conversation he ever had with Lou and Justin feels relaxed.

It's possible that JC was right when he said that it wouldn't be as hard as Justin thought. It was pretty likely that Lance was right when he said that all Justin needed to do was pull his head out of his ass. Joey was definitely right when he told him to go see Chris.

Because Justin has missed this.

He thinks that this is going well but he still is ready to get out of the Valley and back to his place and he feels wild enough to suggest it.

"Right now?" Chris says, and all of his reservations are laid out just in the tone of his voice.

"We could talk," Justin says lamely.

"We could get drunk and complain very loudly," Britney smiles.

Chris looks back and forth at them with dark eyes and a hard mouth. "Fine, but you're driving kid." He throws his keys at Justin's chest.

*

This isn't going to end in sex, Justin doesn't think, because they've been down this road before and it was really fucking gorgeous right up until they went over the cliff.

Justin doesn't remember the street signs half as well as he remembers the fall.

*

Justin brings three beers out onto his back porch. Britney and Chris are sitting by the pool, Britney with her bare legs swung over the edge into the water. Britney's been talking a little about the record promotion and Chris has been talking about how nice it is to not have to promote shit.

Justin passes the beers around and sits between them, not saying much of anything because he mostly just wants to listen.

It doesn't feel like someone turned back the clock. He doesn't feel twenty again. But he feels like this is maybe starting over and it's not that bad, really.

It's funny how even this small amount of time has changed him and made him grow. They aren't sitting half on top of each other the way they used to but it's comfortable here between them. It's like they still fit together, just in completely different ways.

Britney drains her beer and says, "Sometimes I think, you know, if we just tried again we could get it right." She sets the bottle down on the cement and sighs. "Sometimes I think it'd be just exactly the same and it'd hurt worse the second time around."

Chris is looking up at the stars, probably so he doesn't have to look at two of them, and he says, "I think we should never have done it to begin with."

What Justin knows right now is that he'll never love anyone the way he loves them both. They say that every time you fall in love it feels a little different. Justin loves Cameron. He might even marry her someday but what he feels for her isn't half as intense as what he feels for the two people sitting next to him.

He and Britney were like opposing forces, sweeping Chris up in their wake.

They're both staring at him, waiting for him to agree or contradict them both. What Justin decides to say is, "I'm not sorry."


End file.
